"I felt I wasn’t good enough growing up, which compounded the anxiety I suffered. Bouts of depression followed me over the years & I was often told to ‘pull myself together’. It made me feel like a fraud, like I was attention seeking. I had no way of expressing myself, because I didn’t fit in with my family’s expectations of me & mental health issues weren’t spoken about"
.
"One thing that felt like it helped was drinking wine. It was a slippery slope, & one I didn’t realise I was on until it was too late. Combining my hectic mind with a stressful job, a husband working long hours & young children meant I looked forward to a glass in the evenings. Over the years the kids got older but the pressure increased as I tried to juggle more & more, even completing a degree alongside everything else. The more I did, the more I drank. One glass became 2, 3 & soon it was 2 bottles to myself every single evening. I deluded myself that I was ok, because I still had my family, home, job, I didn’t even drink in the day.. surely that meant I couldn’t be an alcoholic...
.
But of course I was. Blackouts from drinking meant my anxiety soared, my self confidence plummeted & I hit rock bottom. I had nothing left & pushed everyone away
.
Recovery was terrifying. I loved drinking, it was my constant & I had to relearn everything. Without it my mind was chaotic, never stopped whirring. Wine had been my buffer, my release & relaxation if I coped throughout the day. I didn’t know what to do with myself & I was always on edge
.
Then I found yoga. It was recommended to me to help my anxiety. I wasn’t flexible or strong. I couldn’t do the poses. In fact I was weaker than I had ever been, mentally & physically. Slowly though, I found that my body could still do so much for me. It made me proud, & I began to get better. Through yoga I found running, & by combining them I got stronger, my mind got calmer & I healed. It’s been a long, hard road, but I haven’t had a drink in three years & don’t intend ever to go back to that place
.Yoga gave me back my mind. It taught me that I am capable, & strong, I feel like a warrior now 🙏
Comments