"I'd like to tell you today about my eating disorder. So it might be helpful for someone in the present who might find themself in this situation"
"I found the transition from adolescence to adulthood quite difficult and at times painful. Maybe I was even suffering from depression which is not uncommon during this time of change
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I think it started when I was about 14: basically when I started to believe societal definitions of what is beauty & therefore what I might be loved & adored for. My mom's comments "be careful you'll get chubby" might have added to that, bless her. The need to fit in, to be accepted, to be loved. A teenage girl started searching for it on the outside
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So in my mind, and the message society was sending me was that it is vital to be slim! I started to eat little & was consumed with thoughts about when & what I could eat. While hopping on & off the scale all the time
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As I grew older I started partying, drinking, getting wasted, having eating binges and as a result I became bulimic (eating and throwing up afterwards). I knew already then that it was unhealthy, but it was more important how I looked on the outside than on the inside. It had long term consequences for my body & especially on my teeth
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My family kind of knew, but they were rather upset with me or even maybe ignorant. Or it felt that way to me
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So when I moved out, I knew I had stop it, for my healths sake. So I did, it wasn't hard for me, I don't no why. I was still thinking a lot about food. I gained weight, but I compensated with enough flings to assure me that I was attractive and loveable
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Eventually I came across Yoga (of course) & a whole different world opened up to me. The veil slowly started to lift. No longer seeking validation outside of me. Whatever I was looking for or desiring was within me already. And the healing journey began & continues. Yoga helped me realise that I was the one love I'd been looking for my entire life 🙏
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