"Before yoga I was a drug dealer, among other things. I lied a lot. I hurt myself & others. I cheated. I stole, at least one time, a car. I was existentially morbid & inconsolable. I could not make peace with my place in the world
The first time I drank, I got drunk. That was in high school. A few years later, it got serious: Weed, ecstasy, coke, & eventually shooting up meth
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Oddly, as I experimented with drugs, I also experimented with yoga. A friend took me to my first class in 2008. I dabbled casually for a while, unknowing that it would transform everything
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My addictive personality applied to my practice. Though my life was completely unmanageable, I kept showing up to classes. Eventually, my yoga addiction replaced my drug addiction altogether
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I'm back in India now, where I first came seeking clarity in 2012. Sober 4 years. No pills. No drinks. No needles. I spent so long running from things: Fear. Responsibility. Pain. There was always some new self imposed heartbreak. So many years spent hunting what would make me feel good. That chase eventually landed me on deaths door. It was there that something finally snapped into place within me
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That dark place made me see that yoga is a tool to help me restructure my life
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Where once there such great doubt, terrible fear & a need for answers, now there is comfort with uncertainty. There is an adventurers heart. There is a love for possibilities & the questions that creation poses
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In recovery lingo, we say: If you wanna keep what you have, you have to give it away. That’s why I’ve devoted myself to sharing yoga. I was a destructive force in the world for so long, but something miraculous occurred when I surrendered to powers greater than myself. My teachers in Ashtanga (Sharathji, @timfeldmannyoga @kinoyoga among others) & my sponsor & peers in recovery are those greater powers. These people helped me reshape my life, they did for me what I could not do for myself. They set me free to thrive. They gave me a gift that is transmissible, I can help others now. This is my sacred responsibility 🙏"
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