"I don’t remember much of my life before yoga. I don’t remember how I used to think or even what I used to do. What I do know is that before yoga I was lost. I just moved through each day as it came but never lived it"
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"I was purposefully moving in the direction of traditionally age-appropriate milestones. Find a guy. Get a house. Get married. Have children. I hadn’t considered any other possibilities & I valued myself alongside whether I had achieved the next milestone or not. I didn’t stop long enough to think about whether this was something I truely wanted or if this was a pattern of society that I was stuck in
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I had tried yoga once but felt so inadequate it took me several years to return. When I went back to yoga, I attended every single class I could. I found a wonderful teacher in my local town who I connected with instantly & who I looked up to. And that was it. I attended every single class she ran each week, & my life started to change. My inquiry took me to study yoga philosophy, starting with Patanjalis eight limbs
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My life changed dramatically with the practice of ahimsa. My diet changed overnight & I slowly reduced my alcohol intake. I began to recognise all the ways that I had lead my life on the path of self destruction. I had no respect for my body, my mind or my soul. I was a people pleaser but that didn’t include me
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I destroyed my body with a myriad of poisons & behaviours, all of which once served a purpose to protect & hide me. I was eventually able to recognise that I had never shown my real self to anyone but my husband & this was exhausting
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It was time for a change. In my struggle to feel like I fitted in, that was all I was doing. I never felt I truly belonged. This is a work in progress but I have come to realise that you can only be loved as much as you let yourself be seen. If you hide behind a mask, that’s all people will ever know
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I have given up full time work in the the NHS & I now work for a charity in palliative care
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I am teaching yoga at @ohso.yoga.studio.wokingham. I found myself & it feels like home 💚
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