"My trauma still surfaces, sometimes in class, I'll momentarily panic that a student has stopped breathing"
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"Ten years ago, it was seemingly just a regular & peaceful Saturday morning. I decided to give myself a pedicure & catch up on my favorite soap opera. My husband stayed in bed that morning after he thought he had food poisoning. My daughter was in third grade at the time, & I took her to a friend’s pool party
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The day seemed to stretch on, & I was surprised that my husband was still in bed. I went upstairs to check on him. When I went into our bedroom, I found that he was on the floor. His hands and feet had turned blue, and I had no idea what happened. I called 911 and performed CPR on him. I was only 31 at the time and he was only 34. When the paramedics showed up, I knew that things were not good. He was immediately rushed to the hospital
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He died the next day. The cause of death was a brain cyst which caused a blockage in his ventricle resulting in sudden death
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Following this tragedy, I had serious issues with PTSD, anxiety, & insomnia. I would have horrible nightmares, & I could not fall asleep at night. The moment that my brain would turn off to go to bed, I would immediately awaken in a panic. I had fears about others dying around me, & I always had to check on people who were sleeping to see if they were still breathing
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Even today, as a yoga teacher, when someone is lying down in my yoga class, I sometimes experience a small moment of panic & I check to see if the person is still breathing
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Soon, I became completely reliant on sleeping pills. It was scary to have blackout moments while I was on the pills, and not remember things the next day. The sleeping pills were the only way that I could fall asleep because of my nightmares.
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Soon I started to really dive into my yoga practice, & eventually, I was able to fall asleep instantaneously upon hitting the pillow without meds
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Since taking up a committed & regular practice, I am medication free, & my symptoms have significantly decreased 🙏
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